My Dear Friend

Yesterday, I did something I've done almost every day of my adult life.  I put on my running shoes and stepped out for a quick loop through my neighborhood.  It is snowy here now and someone less determined as me might use that as an excuse to go outdoors.  Not I, no excuses in this girl when it comes to running.  As I was sloshing along, I passed a group of men in uniform and one looked at me and told me I was "An intrepid soul".  I quickly said thanks and then thought "What the heck does that mean?"  His statement got me thinking about my relationship with running.

Next to my husband, running is my closest friend.  We have been friends for quite some time now.  Fifteen years ago, being a young newlywed, and on my own for the first time I found myself developing poor eating habits.  I had never exercised a day in my life and never played any organized sports.  I was the girl that the P.E. teacher took great pleasure in embarrassing because I was so uncoordinated and non-athletic and deathly afraid of sweating.  The girl who was picked last, who hid from the ball and who would look for any type of excuse to get out of athletic activity.  I'm most definitely a girly girl in that regard.  In hindsight though, I wish I could change that about my youth.  If given the chance, I would have at least tried something.

I don't know what made me believe I could become a runner.  I think my husband's belief in me nudged me beyond my comfort zone. I first started by walking for a few minutes and then running for a few minutes.  I remember the awkwardness of my breathing, the rubbing of my thighs and my mind racing.  My continual self doubt telling me "You can't do this" and "I hate this".  Luckily, the change was almost immediate in my life.  I learned very quickly that running is a great exercise that burns a lot of calories enabling me to lose weight.  Of course I really liked that. I remember a close friend at the time would giggle and call me Forrest.  She would say, "Run Forrest, Run!" At this point I was hooked and obsessed with running.  For many years that was the reason that I ran each day.  But somewhere along the way, through all these many years of my little feet hitting the pavement I started to love it for entirely different reasons.  Somewhere along the way my mind quieted and I learned to use the time alone with my dear friend to better myself, to clear my mind and to heal so many old pains.

I am a neurotic person by birth and I seldom miss a run.  It is always the first priority of each day, time spent with my dear friend.  I have run on Thanksgiving, and on too many vacations to count.  I have seen many beautiful sights and scenery during my runs, some of my favorites being Washington D.C. and Alaska.  Back in the earlier years, I cared more about how fast and how far I could run.  I've learned now that my distance revolves around my mood.  The ebb and flow of me, and I could care less about my speed today.  For me, running is about so much more.  I've been so blessed to have never had an injury to halt my running.  Of course, I've had a hurt knee here and a tight calf there, but I've never missed a run because of injury.  I don't want to imagine a day where I can't run.  I guess I will walk, I can learn to like that almost as much.

Running has brought me so many special moments.  The time my husband and I have spent running together and the time spent running with my daughter, passing this gift on to her, are some of my favorite moments in life.  Giving her something that she can have as her own, to draw from whenever life requires it.  The gift of running is the thing I do for me. I don't want to look pretty or cute when I run. The older and uglier my running clothes are the better.  I don't want to go to a gym to run and I don't want to have to look at or talk to anyone when I run.  Instead, I treasure the time alone with my thoughts in my own head.

Years ago, I participated in a few races and it was nice to test myself against other athletes.  But I have no interest in races today.  For me, it is not about that. I'm not looking to prove anything to myself. I'm just enjoying this time to reflect on my life, to quiet my mind and to just be.  Maybe I'm a bit strange, the single intrepid soul sloshing through the snow when most everyone else is smart enough to stay inside where it is warm and dry.  I realize the amount of time I've spent running, and I guess it adds up to a large chunk of my life.  I love you my dear friend.  Thank you for giving me so much.